An Accidentally Retro Blog: Season 3

The accidentally retro secret-but-public “Been and Kirk watch Game of Thrones” blog continues. If you’ve been with us through Season 2, you know the drill: Been re-watches and Kirk watches Game of Thrones Season 3 and then Been interviews Kirk for his predictions. They eat cheese. There are puns. Kirk doesn’t know names. Spoilers for Season 3 abound.

Been and Kirk, two totally trustworthy cheese-eating watchers not on the wall. Why WOULDN’T you trust these faces?

FOR THIS BLOG IS DARK AND FULL OF ERRORS.

(YARRRR HERE THERE BE SPOILERS, MATEY!)

FINAL EPISODE! Drum roll please…..

Been: This was the final episode of season three and the first thing we have to discuss is RIP Ser Buttersworth!

Kirk: *laughs* Right?! I finally actually caught the name! Finally. So much finally.

Been: And it is…?

Kirk: Ser Davos! … It’s definitely a weird moment, though.

Been: On the one hand, yay Ser Davos, welcome. But on the other hand, I’m kinda gonna miss Ser Buttersworth?

Kirk: It’s true but I’m sure there’s other names I will forget throughout the course of the series. Like the name of Bran’s wolf.

Been: Okay, first let’s see how you did on your predictions.

Kirk: I said there would be some Tyrion and Sansa which seems like a hit but I said within a few she would find out who Shae is. I think that prediction stands. Hmmm. I said that Dany would spend some time in the city cleaning up and consolidating but instead she spent some time outside the city being worshipped as the white saviour for the poor brown people. This will DEFINITELY not help her issues. I said we might seem some impact of Melisandre and Stannis the Petulant’s magic, I’d call that a miss. I also said “no Bran next episode” and that’s a minor miss.

Been: By “minor” you mean a super giant miss.

Kirk: He didn’t play that much of an important role in the episode.

Been: No, you’re right. He only met Sam, who can tell Jon that Bran’s alive, found out dragonstone can kill White Walkers, and made it north of the wall.

Kirk: Minor things! ANYHOW. I did say the Lannisters would hear back about the Red Wedding. Uh, for Arya and the Hound I said they weren’t going to show up in this episode. Also a minor miss. It’s not like they did anything important in this episode like the first person Arya killed or anything.

Been: Totally insignificant.

Kirk: I said Jaime and Brienne would definitely show up but I did predict they wouldn’t get to their destination for a few episodes. That wasn’t entirely accurate.

Been: And by “not entirely accurate” you mean Jaime just waltzed past every guard and made it right into Cersei’s chamber.

Kirk: So I mean I was close….

Been: *eye roll*

Kirk: Now technically I predicted that Sam and Gilly would find the gate to go through the wall. That was accurate. They did some minor things after that. However, I said that Ygritte would run Jon down and threaten to stab him. She did threaten but then she also just stabbed him. He kinda had it coming. That was the end of the actual predictions I made.

Been: Well since this is the final episode, give me a season wrap up. How do you feel about this season?

Kirk: Well the plus side to this season was now there’s less names for me to keep track of. Um, I do feel like it could be shifting towards a little less kind of civil war and more fighting the Walkers and possibly Dany. I feel like Walkers still might be first? Hard to say. Um, the Starks continue to be a cursed name. Really, um, the stark truth is (*Been sighs*) you shouldn’t even marry into that family at this point. I think that’s kinda like the high points. I’m sure there’ll be some other, you know, minor details like Bran and Osha doing wargy things in the woods but now north of the wall! They’ll be in the frozen woods instead.

Been: Even though Osha did not cross into the north with Bran.

Kirk: But she still might be going!

Been: Because I have to, let’s just address the sausage in the room with Theon.

Kirk: *sighs* I almost feel like he’s actually going to make it through the whole next season. Because lots of the characters that seem to be struggling but doing kind of alright seem to get horribly slapped down and murdered. I think he’ll be kept alive for quite some time as the whipping boy.

Been: And who is his captor?

Kirk: His captor is the bastard son of the flayed family.

Been: I mean I guess it’s too much to ask for a name…

Kirk: It started with an R… R, R…. *thinks hard*…. nope.

Been: Okay instead of specific episode predictions this time, we’re going to go through the family houses and give a status prediction for next season.

Kirk: For all of next season?

Been: No, let’s say for the first third of next season. Like where will they be after the opening and pre the middle?

Kirk: Interesting.

Been: Let’s start with everybody’s favorite whipping boys, the Starks. No single Stark but House Stark overall.

Kirk: Well in stark contrast to the Lannisters, the Starks will end up mostly scattered still. Um, probably no real attempts or anything at Winterfell, lordship, being a high house, anything like that. Lots of individual struggle for survival. Except Arya getting madder and madder.

Been: And the villainous Lannisters?

Kirk: Especially in the first third or so, I feel like they’re going to end up in almost the same places currently with Tywin holding together a somewhat unruly mob of a family. Mob in the term of horse heads but also like unruly mob.

Been: And the garden flowers? The Tyrells?

Kirk: I think they will actually see more power partly through growing influence on the idiot Lannister king.

Been: House Targaryen?

Kirk: I feel like this is cheating as there’s only one representative that I’m aware of. That house will continue to go on a quasi genocidal rampage across the world with Dany telling herself she’s a saviour. And her sycophants also telling her that, unfortunately. She doesn’t need the help.

Been: The flayed man family? I can’t tell you the house because that would be telling you the name.

Kirk: But obviously I already know the name, it’s just the sigil is more important than the name in this instance because of the visual treatment of Theon.

Been: SO PHILOSOPHICAL!

Kirk: *laughs* Anyways. The bastard son will continue to torment Theon because I think he just likes any excuse to torment someone. His father will remain about the same in the House of Frey, I think.

Been: And last house I’ll ask about: the Ironborn. The Greyjoys.

Kirk: Probably something of a rift between father and daughter which could lead to them being a bit less of a cohesive threat.

Been: Okay, death wish time. Name the top five characters you hope die next season.

Kirk: Wow, only five?

Been: Only five!

Kirk: That’s a tough competition. Well, some of them are tough competition. Joffrey is number one. There’s no dispute in my mind. Joffrey is number one. Mind, I don’t think it’ll happen, but I still wish for it. As for the other four…. uh, Dany, Cersei, Tywin, Melisandre. I’m not sure what order I’d put those in, though. Because I feel that world would be a better place missing those people.

Been: That’s quite the list, ‘Arya’!

Kirk: *laughs* I mean, of those I think most of them will survive next season unfortunately but this was a wish list, not predicting.

Been: Okay, here’s the big dream wish question. Who would YOU want on the Iron Throne?

Kirk: *ponders* *mutters ‘nope’ ‘nope’ to himself* Do I have to pick one?

Been: No. Pick whoever in whatever combination you want on the throne.

Kirk: I mean none of the Lannisters. Yeah, none. Um, of the Starks? I think Arya’s too murdery, Sansa’s kinda too soft, I guess it’s possible Bran could do okay eventually… he seems to feel the, I can’t remember the phrase, the obligation of the noble.

Been: Noblesse oblige.

Kirk: Noblesse oblige. Not Mister Fetch. *ponders more* I think Margaery could do okay. I think she’d do okay not necessarily out of like precisely her own morality, it’s just she would take the longer view that not, you know, outright oppressing the peasants leads to less chances of her head on a pike. I sure hope it’s not Dany. That’s bad for the world. So I think in going through the characters I came up with two mostly okay options and mostly bad options.

Been: It has never been more difficult to suppress my knowledge of all eight seasons than it is in this exact moment.

Kirk: *amused* Because there’s things that you know that are probably extremely relevant!

Been: I KNOW SO MUCH! …..Okay, okay. Let’s end on a fun note. Tell me your favorite thing that happened this season. And please for the love of god, don’t say “the Red Wedding”.

Kirk: I would only say the Red Wedding as a joke to be a terrible person. Favorite through the whole season, though, that’s difficult…. like no rocks fell on Joffrey or anything.

Been: *laughs loudly*

Kirk: Hmmm…. as terrible as it sounds, Arya finally deciding to not get pushed around anymore. By murdering some people by the side of the road.

Been: And lastly, what is Bran’s direwolf’s name?

Kirk: Dammit. ….There’s some mental connection here somewhere to a season…. but I’m pretty sure it’s not just like Fall the wolf or something… so I got nothing. …. dammit. You have to end on a name, don’t you?

Been: Remember one, forget one. Your brain only has so much capacity.

Been: WELL THAT HAPPENED.

Kirk: Yep, there was too many weddings going on and I remembered from previous social media firestorms that there was “the red wedding” but I totally thought it was one of the other weddings that was going on. And now I’m trying to remember how far I actually read versus what the divergence here is from the books. Anyhow, that was a mess!

Been: Could or did you predict any part of that?

Kirk: I mean I said that the Frey’d wedding would be a problem, um, and that when he chose to marry the other person there was going to be some consequences, however I significantly underestimated said consequences.

Been: So looking back in time to 2013, you’ve now had The Red Wedding Experience, and what are your gut reactions?

Kirk: I mean I think the, really the episode had all of the gut reactions… they were everywhere.

Been: TOO SOON.

Kirk: It was 2013!

Been: Still… Kirk… my god, a little humanity.

Kirk: I kind of… it’s interesting, I don’t remember exactly a lot of the social media takes of it because I was specifically avoiding anything that was spoilery in case I eventually watched it. I do remember thinking that it was surprising how much of the internet was up in arms about this. And part of that was just because there was, like, the reason George R R Martin needs so many characters is because he wants to kill all of them. So it’s not like they haven’t established horrible murder so far but on the other hand, I also kind of get it now because it was everything at once.

Been: Okay, so let’s do a bit of an impact tally. Based on the fact that Robb, his bride, Catelyn, and the army of the north are all dead, what impact does that have on remaining players?

Kirk: I mean we have to start with two points. Uh, one is that not all of them are dead. There was at least the Blackbird…?… who ran off to find a tree who many still be alive. Also of course is it’s kind of less of an impact tally and more of an impact Tully. *Been tries hard to ignore the pun* Uh, anyhow this is interesting with previously in the episode, Bran sending his brother off, uh saying if something happened to him and Robb that he would be the heir at that point. I mean, it seems like that may not have been an error (Been note: I KNOW he meant ‘heiror’ but I just CAN NOT). Um, anyways, for Starks in line for Winterfell, such as remains of it, uh this leaves basically I believe Sansa, Arya, Bran and Rickon. Jon’s an unacknowledged bastard so I don’t think Mister Fetch can be the king or lord in the north. The more wide-reaching impact based on the line about “the Lannisters send their regards” obviously the Lannisters are going to hear about this, um and this is going to simplify the Lannisters’ lives significantly unfortunately. Uh, those would be the direct impacts although that’s going to maybe also end up with the Lannisters able to focus more on Stannis and maybe Dany.

Been: So Arya doesn’t reunite with her mother.

Kirk: To be fair, I said she wouldn’t. I mean… great success?

Been: There was a more expected and less shocking slaughter across the Narrow Sea this episode with Queen of Genocide sacking a city.

Kirk: Yeah, you know, I’m concerned that this is going to play into Dany’s whole saviour complex. I don’t think she really needs any encouragement. And I’m concerned when she gets it.

Been: So… Bran sent Osha away. How does this affect your endless prediction about Bran and Osha and wargy things in the woods?

Kirk: I’d just like to point out, in this episode, Bran was with Osha and did significantly wargy things and there’s bushes around that tower. However, it’s going to be really tricky to make that prediction in the future.

Been: Okay last point before predictions. Mister Fetch left his wildling girlfriend. Did you see that coming?

Kirk: I did not. I’m not super convinced that’s how he sees it. I think he was trying to chase down that bird or some other somewhat dumb idea like that. However, I definitely suspect that she sees it that way.

Been: Alright. Post-Red Wedding Prediction Time.

Kirk: Well the plus side is there’s so many less characters to keep track of now. Uh, next episode: there’s going to be some Tyrion and Sansa. I think maybe this episode but probably within a few she’s going to find out who Shae actually was. Uh, Dany will spend a little time in the city sort of cleaning up and consolidating. Ooooh, Melisandre I think that we could definitely see some of the impact of her and Stannis the Petulant’s magic with the king’s blood. I kinda feel like no Bran next episode. Uh, and the Lannisters will probably hear back about the Red Wedding. And I’m not sure if that may have an impact on the weddings or anything. Mmmm, as for Arya and the Hound, I feel like they’re maybe going to skip an episode. Jaime and Brienne should definitely show up but I’ll repeat my prediction that they won’t actually get to their destination for a few episodes. Uh, Sam and Gilly will probably find the gate to get through the wall. And Ygritte might run Jon down and threaten to stab him.

Been: Direwolf tally time. We lost another one. Who did we lose?

Kirk: What? That question is clearly unfair and ridiculous. …. *ponders*…. Nope, it was a direwolf I got nothing.

Been: Which wolves are left?

Kirk: The other direwolves! Shaggydog. Nymeria? ……. That’s it. I mean I’m pretty sure there’s more, I just don’t know their names.

Been: This episode was titled ‘Second Sons’ and I think we should explore the layers of meaning in that, don’t you? Give me your thoughts, Kirk!

Kirk: Uh, well I mean the obvious answer is the mercenary group that was weird and interesting. I mean there’s also some, I think, Tyrion was the second son of Tywin. So that’s probably a bit of a play on words there. I don’t remember who the second Stark son was so I don’t know if that’s relevant or not. I doubt that poor bastard who Melisandre attacked with leeches was only Robert’s second son. That’s all I can think of off-hand.

Been: I agree, I think the title refers to the mercenaries and Tyrion, mostly. Because Bran is the second Stark son and he wasn’t in it.

Kirk: Oh really, Bran! He seems young. Hmm.

Been: So then let’s talk Tyrion. Did your predictions come true?

Kirk: No, he seems pretty married at this point. I mean he could conceivably still try to manage to weasel out somehow, I’m not sure how though.

Been: Do you think Sansa truly is at least physically safe with him?

Kirk: For a certain period of time, yes. Until she doesn’t have children and then Tywin threatens all sorts of I don’t know probably killing every lady of the night in the entire city to punish the imp.

Been: Let’s talk about the OTHER second sons then. Did you see them coming?

Kirk: Uh, no I was surprised by what all went down there. I mean like mid-episode I was more predicting actually that Dany was going to do something ethically questionable: well, someone beat her to it.

Been: So how did your other predictions fare?

Kirk: I mean I had predictions about Dany and the city: I still stand by those, they just haven’t happened yet. Theon didn’t appear so don’t know about that. Uh, Melisandre caused not a good time but nowhere near as much as I expected, but that could still be coming. Didn’t seem to affect the weddings, kind of like I said. The, uh, Frey’ed wedding still hasn’t occurred. Oh no, was Mister Fetch not in this episode? I can’t believe I got that prediction wrong! Huh. I said we probably wouldn’t see the dragons this episode and we didn’t. I did say see a direwolf in the next couple, though, so I’m running low.

Been: Bran?

Kirk: Oh, well… Bran has not yet done wargy things in the woods. But he’s going to.

Been: What is the significance of the names Stannis said when he burned the leeches?

Kirk: Especially since he labeled them all as ‘usurper’ and I’m presuming he was trying to send some sort of dark power based on the blood of kings, etc, you know the “friendly lord of light” at them. Not sure if that’s going to be in the form of those shadow demons or something less direct.

Been: There’s two more marriages scheduled for King’s Landing: Cersei and Loras and Joffrey and Margaery. Which will happen at all and which will happen first?

Kirk: You know, Cersei is a character that I love to hate but she does definitely do the whole duty thing. So I could see both happening. I feel like Cersei’s would be first. Partially in order to build dramatic tension.

Been: Arya and the Hound?

Kirk: I feel like she may end up a weird kind of friends with him. That could happen, yup.

Been: Okay, let’s make character-based predictions. Start with Dany and the desert gang.

Kirk: Yeah I’m pretty much gonna stand by she will do something maybe dragony in order to take that city while talking about how she’s *makes air quotes* “freeing” it. I think it’ll be pretty much the same prediction for her as I had previously.

Been: Jaime and Brienne?

Kirk: Ooooh. That seems like, uh, they’re going to get dragged off with that guard that I’m reasonably sure didn’t have a name that Jaime was intimidating. Um, probably have basically like some stuff during travel but I don’t think they’re going to get to their destination for a few episodes.

Been: Arya? Will she actually reunite with her mother?

Kirk: I kinda feel like no. I think she’s going to end up kind of chasing her family for a bit and then getting mad and doing something else. Like I said going back to that place with the face-changing dude… what was his name… he was going to train her…. dammit… “what’s his face”.

Been: Sansa and Tyrion?

Kirk: Uh I suspect she’ll be physically safe until until Tywin has a meltdown because she’s not pregnant, uh, there will probably be some weird conversations between them maybe involving Shae and Sansa at some point finding out who Shae really is. At which point I think she’ll feel kind of betrayed.

Been: Let me guess: Bran and Osha and wargy things in the woods?

Kirk: Correct. In the woods. They can find some.

Been: Sam?

Kirk: Oh. Sam and… Gilly? I think that’s her name. Um, are possibly going to get like chased through the night but I think they’ll survive fine for at least the next episode.

Been: Were you at all surprised that Sam was able to kill a white walker?

Kirk: Well you know, like, crit happens. Like shit happens but sometimes he rolls a crit. I think he got lucky. Although I mean I think he wants to get lucky. *makes finger guns*

Been: Mister Fetch?

Kirk: He HAS to be in the next episode. This was far too long for him to not be happening. Um, he’s gonna continue along with Ygritte there and then I think he’s going to end up breaking away from Mance’s forces there.

Been: Robb and the endless Frey’ed wedding?

Kirk: Uh it seems like it’s about time for that to happen in the next couple episodes. They’ve been working on it for awhile here now.

Been: Anything else specific you think will happen in the next episode?

Kirk: Hmmm… *ponders*….. no, I got nothing else.

Been: Any final puns?

Kirk: I mean there’s always more PUNishment for you, but….

Been: *head in hands*

Been: When last we left Kirk and Been, the cheese was gone and Kirk had predicted more wargy things in the woods for Bran, something something dragons for Dany, and that Robb’s mother would leave him for something less boring. Let’s see how accurate he was! Kirk, were you right on anything?

Kirk: Well… I mean, I’d just like to say up front that I was right about Arya running from The Brotherhood. Literally running. But otherwise, starting from the top, Dany didn’t struggle with any choices, Mister Fetch and Ygritte just magically went down the wall with no scene or problems whatsoever, Bran showed up not even in the woods let alone doing wargy things. As for Robb, his mom didn’t disappear. He was kind of sending the Tully off to marry the Frey. I had some predictions about Kings Landing: Varys was Ser Not-Appearing-In-This-Episode, I said Tyrion would stop feeling sorry for himself and THHBBBBPPTTTT, I said Joffrey would be back to do something more reprehensible which is a miss (he barely showed up), oh but I was right that Stannis the Petulant was not in this episode. However, his daughter and Ser Buttersworth were not either. And that was basically the end of my predictions. So Arya ran away and…

Been: … and that’s about it! *laughs*

Kirk: That’s about it.

Been: Okay well let’s just address the title of this episode right off the top. The Bear and the Maiden Fair. Accurate?

Kirk: Y’know, I don’t really think of her as quote/unquote the maiden fair but they did, like, dress her up and there was definitely a bear. So, you know, I guess it was bearly accurate. *chuckles*

Been: Glossing over the fiftieth pun this episode, how do we feel about Jaime jumping to her rescue?

Kirk: Jaime has the kind of enormous karmic debt that someone could open an orphanage and try to start paying back so maybe this is something of a start to that but I remain somewhat unconvinced.

Been: Talk Dany to me Kirk.

Kirk: Mmm. Hmmm. I maintain that she’s mostly a dangerous homicical power-hungry maniac. I was a little surprised she didn’t kill the messenger, um, I feel like her quote/unquote offer to the uh… messenger there for the city that she wanted because she saw it, was um deliberately provocative and she expects them to turn her down so that she can feel and look to a certain degree justified when she attempts to burn their entire city down.

Been: So you think Dany’s altruism is largely PR for her conscience?

Kirk: I think that’s a pretty good way to put it, yeah. That she wants to feel that she’s doing like the good and correct thing, um, but that’s just kind of a thin veneer over the fact that she just wants power.

Been: Tell us what happened to Theon.

Kirk: Well I mean Theon was a little dumb in that I don’t know how he didn’t realize that was a set up. Uh, and then the scene ended. I’m not entirely sure where that went, so…

Been: Do you think they’re going to cut off his dick?

Kirk: In any show, not Game of Thrones, I’d be a pretty solid no but in this instance I’m about 60% yes.

Been: King’s Landing thoughts?

Kirk: Melisandre showing up? Never a good sign. Melisandre showing up with quote/unquote royal blood? Super not a good sign. That poor literally bastard is probably going to have a real bad time followed by the city having a real bad time.

Been: How will this affect the weddings?

Kirk: I don’t see any real direct link between that and weddings right now.

Been: How about the Tully/Frey wedding? How’s that all going to go?

Kirk: Well, I feel the whole thing’s kinda been hanging by a thread this whole time so you know it’s kinda frayed. *laughs heartily* Anyways, I think the wedding will probably still go forward with a lot of reluctance on many party’s side.

Been: Any other direct specific predictions to make?

Kirk: Uhhh… well Bran and Osha, wargy things in the woods. Tyrion’s going to do something about the wedding. Still think he’s going to scheme his way out of it somehow. I mean obviously Mister Fetch will have to show up next episode. They can’t just not have him in an episode. And Dany’s going to end up doing something strange, maybe dragony, in order to end up taking that city to *makes air quotes* “save the slaves”. But she just wants the city. Because she saw it. So now it’s hers, like a cat. I think that’s about it for specific predictions.

Been: What will the main focus of the next episode be?

Kirk: That’s a tough call, there’s a lot of storylines. There are a lot of plates in the air right now. I think, I think I’m going to guess the Dany and the city actually. I think it’s still maybe an episode away but I think that’ll be the focal point of an episode.

Been: On a scale of zero to so much, how much do you care about the Robb and his Queen baby?

Kirk: It seems like something that could be important like a few seasons from now but that doesn’t seem like it’s going to be very relevant shortly.

Been: Last thoughts on dragons, direwolves, and/or bears?

Kirk: Uh, I don’t think we’ll see the bear again. We saw the obviously more grown up and scary-pants dragons so we probably won’t see them for an episode or two. Um, and we’ll see one direwolf in the next couple episodes but I don’t know which one. Just because they haven’t been around for awhile. And we have to be reminded that they exist. Otherwise it would be, you know, a dire waste of CG resources. *laughs*

Been: *sighs*

Been: Kirk! I wasn’t tracking fully but I think you did not terribly on predictions? How well did you do?

Kirk: I mean… I feel like there was definitely some hits there. There was oooh, I said a brief Dany appearance. That’s a miss. I said Bran and the Reeds: wargy things in the woods. There was a vision. I’m willing to call that wargy in order to fit my narrative. Um, I said we’d see The Hound. That’s a miss. I said Mister Fetch will be there, I said he’d be close to The Wall, but I said they’d be able to verify if he’s lying to them or not. So that’s kind of a hit. I mean he was definitely close to The Wall. Theon was definitely there.

Been: Well, most of Theon.

Kirk: *laughs*… Um, but I said he’d run into his sister. That seems inaccurate. The person torturing him… I’m still not sure if he’s actually working for Theon’s sister or not. Because he said he was a liar, about the things he admitted to, but he might be lying about being a liar. It’s tricky. I did said that Melisandre wouldn’t be back. I said that Brienne would be kindly disposed towards Jaime. I think that’s still kind of a hit. I said that Tyrion will talk to Shae. And I mean… kind of… *laughs*. Shae was there and he was talking! It was in fact time for more Sansa. I said she would watch Littlefinger leave. Which I consider to be a pretty solid hit. I did say something about confiding in Margaery. And that’s a miss. Maybe next time on Dragonball Z. I said Arya would escape and that’s not the case. Ummm, I said we wouldn’t see Robb. And we definitely didn’t.

Been: *looks at Kirk*

Kirk: *looks at Been* *tries to keep a straight face*

Been: You, sir, are a liar.

Kirk: *laughs* Listen, I keep forgetting about Robb because he just doesn’t seem that important. I did say that we would see Mister Fetch’s wolf, that’s incorrect. That’s about it for predictions specifically for this episode.

Been: And Mister Fetch’s wolf’s name is?

Kirk: Uhhh…. Floofer Wigglybottom.

Been: Somebody is feeding you intel, huh?

Kirk: *air quotes* INTEL.

Been: Okay, we gotta dissect some things. What is the impact of Ygritte knowing that Mister Fetch is still a Crow?

Kirk: Hm. That’s a tricky question. She will, I think, especially after he saved her, and her speech about being just foot soldiers and how neither of their leaders cared, um, she may be willing to follow him pretty much wherever. Also, seeing green outside of moss in a cave.

Been: Impact of the Lannister children being married off against their will?

Kirk: I still don’t think Tyrion will do it. He’s gonna find something. Don’t know what. The whole exchange between Tywin and Grandmother Tyrell, I’m not actually sure if Cersei’s going to end up marrying that Knight of Flowers. *eats cheese and ponders* I feel like there could have been some kind of deal made after the scene ended. They could have been implying that.

Been: Will Edmure Tully marrying one of the Frey daughters be enough to get the Freys to follow Robb?

Kirk: Yes but barely. Like it’ll be enough to get them to follow, um, unless they get like a better opportunity, or something like that. It’ll be a very frayed alliance. *chuckles* *Been lets the pun go without comment*

Been: What does Melisandre want with Gendry?

Kirk: Uhhhh oh I remember this! The dark demon she summoned she said required the blood of kings! So that could totally mean… he may end up getting, you know, sacrificed, or if he’s lucky there’s the other method she’d already mentioned to extract dark power from him. Mmmmhmmm.

Been: How do we feel about Joffrey killing that pretty redheaded whore?

Kirk: Joffrey’s a dangerous psychopath and will probably continue to be more dangerous in the future.

Been: Can anything stop him?

Kirk: Maybe Margaery. Preferably falling into a well and dying. Joffrey, obviously.

Been: Okay, put on the predicting hat. Let’s start outside Westeros. Predict Dany.

Kirk: I don’t feel like she’s going to … I think it’ll be several episodes before she’s like at King’s Landing door sort of thing. That will be a much later problem. Um, I think she’ll be there next episode. And I think she’s going to start to struggle more with the choices her army makes because she’s not really giving them a choice, per se. She’s giving them an option to do what she thinks they should do. And I think she’ll grow more and more uncomfortable with them not making the choices they obviously should.

Been: Predict at The Wall.

Kirk: Mister Fetch and Ygritte are going to have to go down the other side with the Wildlings but maybe something easier on a abandoned lift or something. I’m not sure if I think they will stay with Mance’s forces or like disappear in the middle of the night.

Been: Bran?

Kirk: Obviously wargy things in the woods.

Been: Okay, let’s predict the direction the whole Robb saga takes next episode.

Kirk: I think he’s going to send his Tully off to marry the Frey. Um, I still think his mom’s going to disappear at some point. Like, ditch to go do something more important than him. And I feel like unless that’s the exclusive focus of the next episode, that’s all we’ll get.

Been: All the King’s Landing brou-ha-ha… what’s gonna go down?

Kirk: Hmm…. Varys, the Spider, is going to do something like against Littlefinger and his forces. His schemes. Um, Tyrion is going to stop feeling sorry for himself possibly at the point of Shae yelling at him and actually do something about the wedding. I think Joffrey is going to be back to do something more reprehensible. I mean he set a high water mark but I think he can still grow. I still feel like there might have been some sort of deal between Tywin and the old lady Tyrell. I’m not sure what yet. That’s all I can think of for like next episode. I feel like long term Margaery will do something to try to make Joffrey appear like a human being. But for a story arc perspective first he has to go lower. Or more public.

Been: Stannis the Sad?

Kirk: Oooh Stannis the Petulant, umm… yep. I don’t think that he’ll be in the next episode. I think his daughter and Ser Buttersworth will be. And that she may end up like letting him out or something. Or offering to and he’ll be honor-bound not to allow her.

Been: Finally, Arya.

Kirk: She’s definitely going to get away from the Brotherhood maybe by running to where that face changer came from. Because I think she’s going to end up there like at some point. Because he talked about training her or something like that.

Been: Any last words for what thoughts you have on the future?

Kirk: Basically, in-breeding is bad, the Lannisters are scary, the Targaryens are kinda scary, maybe you should have a family tree that doesn’t look like a quilt.

Been: WHEW! Things are happening. We have a lot of ground to cover. Let’s just see how you did on predictions before we discuss anything else, though.

Kirk: Oooh right to the predictions! Alright, it’s, uh, interesting. Going through kind of in order here from last time…. I said we would skip Theon. I hit that battleship.

Been: You mean you sank that battleship?

Kirk: No no no, I just hit it! I didn’t sink it. I also said “Bran, warg-y things, in the woods”. That’s a big splash of water. I missed that ship entirely. So Mister Fetch did show up, um, he almost played a character with personality, only because there was someone naked. Which I had predicted early but that wasn’t a really difficult prediction. I said that Dany would end up with an 80s travel montage and I mean… it’s a little montage-y…

Been: I’m gonna interject here. She traveled from the troops to her horse while speaking a linear fashion. That’s not a travel montage.

Kirk: I mean her ARMY. Like a shot of her army to start with then switching to a few different characters while her army continued to move. That’s a lot like a travel montage. It definitely could have been improved by having some background music from ‘Rocky’… like a training montage…

Been: It wasn’t even an ‘A-Team building things’ montage on the scale of montages.

Kirk: I’m gonna claim I at least nicked that battleship. I said that Stannis the Petulant would show up and mope about Melisandre. I’d call that like I hit that battleship once. I think I technically made an accurate prediction but there was a lot more than that. And I wasn’t very specific so. I said Jaime and Brienne would show up and they’d do something like character building or quote/unquote make Jaime seem sympathetic or some crap like that. I would call that accurate. I said The Hound would fight that guy in the cave. Like I kind of hit that battleship. But I said he was going to be about to kill him and something would interrupt and like the outcome was very similar but that’s still not quite what actually happened. I’d have to call that one a near miss. Um, I said Sansa would be friendly with the new Queen-in-Waiting. I’d call that a miss. And a very hand-wavy thing that she might leave with Littlefinger which I think I’d also call a miss. Tyrion talking to Tywin about the money? Mostly a miss. He talked about money but not the money I was specifically thinking of. Um, I said that Robb would be back (after some prompting because I forgot Robb existed) and that he’d be starting to see the consequences of not marrying “correctly” and I think that’s a hit. I had a prediction there’d be no direwolves or dragons and I’d have to call that a hit. I mean the only other quote/unquote prediction I had was that Dany is a genocidal maniac and that’s just moreso ‘statin them facts’ than a prediction. That was all the actual predictions I made.

Been: So you’re not besieged by battleships but you’re not sailing clear either.

Kirk: Nooo, no.

Been: Alright let’s do a rundown of people and like a Rorschach test you tell me your immediate thoughts on them. Jaime.

Kirk: Eh, fuck that guy. I feel like they’re trying to build him up to be sympathetic, I’m not here for it.

Been: Ygritte.

Kirk: Um, I kinda like her. She’s a very direct person, knows what she wants. Also she has red hair and I’m biased. I’m not gonna lie.

Been: Stannis’ wife.

Kirk: Concerned at first that he was leaving her in the dungeon and by the end concerned that she should be in a deeper dungeon. She worries me.

Been: Stannis’ daughter.

Kirk: She seems real nice. I’m, uh, definitely concerned that terrible things will happen to her. More terrible things, I mean.

Been: Robb.

Kirk: Everything’s kind of slipping through his fingers. I don’t think he’s going to react well as it does.

Been: The Hound.

Kirk: I just don’t know what to think about him or what he’s going to do.

Been: Well that was fun. Let’s talk relationships now. I’m gonna give you a relationship and you tell me whether it’s doomed or solid. Mister Fetch and Ygritte.

Kirk: I mean I think they make a fetching couple, uh, hmmm, there’s a few factors there. I think as long as he can deal with her being kind of direct and fiery, then yeah. But she might be too much for him.

Been: Margaery and Joffrey.

Kirk: I think that will continue for some time, um, and by ‘continue’ I mean she will continue to manipulate him and that might be the best thing for the kingdom, honestly.

Been: Sansa and Tyrion.

Kirk: Hmm. Nope, it’s not gonna happen. No, neither of them will be even slightly interested [in the marriage Tywin insists on] and Tyrion will wiggle out of it somehow.

Been: Cersei and Ser Loras.

Kirk: Ooooh. She’s just obedient enough that maybe. I mean it would be a complete trainwreck of a relationship but on the other hand, I mean, if they’re willing to cover for each other, maybe not?

Been: Robb and Illegitimate Queen.

Kirk: Um, she may end up sadly leaving him as he, like, descends into madness and chaos. I think those things are slipping through his fingers and I don’t think he’s going to react well.

Been: Well that actually nicely covers a lot of ground.

Kirk: It does, yup.

Been: Only one thing left to address, sigh. Dany and Ser Friendzone.

Kirk: Um, yeah I think that… I suspect that they will continue across the wilderness. I don’t think there’ll be more than a brief shot of her next episode though. I mean long term… uh, he’s going to keep following her around like a lost puppy and she’s going to continue not noticing anyone exists except as a tool for her to get more power.

Been: Let’s do your overall prediction for next episode. Like, lay out the next episode for me.

Kirk: Hmmm. Brief Dany appearance. Bran and the Reeds: warg-y things in the woods.

Been: That is like the saddest drumbeat ever. *laughs*

Kirk: Every now and then I’m right! We will see The Hound. I’m not sure what I think he’s gonna be doing, though. I don’t know where he’s going. Um, Mister Fetch will still be there. Maybe close enough to The Wall to verify if he was lying [to the Wildlings]. Uh, Theon for sure. Probably running into his sister, who I think set a lot of this up to mess with him. Melisandre won’t be back until the episode after this one, I think. Uh, Brienne will be unfortunately kindly disposed towards Jaime. Uh, Tyrion will talk to his lover *searches for her name, doesn’t recall it* who hasn’t shown up for awhile. Hmmm. I feel like it’s time for more Sansa. She will watch Littlefinger leave and, like, confide in the Queen-in-Waiting there. Margaery. *is proud of knowing her name* And Arya escapes.

Been: From where?

Kirk: From the Brotherhood Without Banners!

Been: I’m so proud that you know that.

Kirk: I’m so surprised! Oh, I don’t think we’ll see Robb. Don’t think so.

Been: Direwolves or dragons?

Kirk: Mister Fetch’s wolf.

Been: Whose name is….?

Kirk: *thinks really long and hard* …. Nope.

Been: Take a moment before we get to your win/loss ratio from last episode to explain why this header image is the best.

Kirk: Because old Grandma Tyrell there has reached that amazing age of just not giving a fuck. She’s aspirational! She’s just great. That’s all I got.

Been: And Varys is no slouch either.

Kirk: Eh, he’s alright.

Been: Okay, hit me with the wins and losses!

Kirk: Well obviously the only place to start is with Dany. ‘Cause I said she’d technically hold to the agreement and pay with the business end of a dragon and then sack the city with her new army. And not to alarm anyone but that was pretty much a direct hit.

Been: Holy shit that’s the most right you’ve ever been!

Kirk: Yeah it is, like straight up. Um, I did also say Bran, Osha and the Reeds doing warg-y things in the woods. Osha wasn’t there but still successful-ish. However I also said that Arya would free the Hound… noooo. I said that Mister Fetch would end up outside the castle on the wall. Shockingly he is Ser Did Not Appear In This Episode. I said Grandma Tyrell would pass some information to Joffrey or Cersei that would be problematic for Sansa. I still think it’s possible but less likely now. I said that Theon would run into his sister but not so much. I said Melisandre would be gone for a couple of episodes but I said that would make Stannis the Petulant go wiggy and he did not show up. I also said for dramatic tension that Jaime and Brienne would not show up in this episode: that’s a miss. I said Tyrion would talk to Tywin about all the borrowed money. I still think that will happen but it certainly hasn’t yet. That’s about it for specific predictions. I did say the King’s Landing debt to the Bank of Braavos would be a problem but way later, like seasons later. Yep, that’s about all the predictions.

Been: Talk to me about Margaery and Joffery.

Kirk: She has him like so incredibly dialed in, playing him like a piano, it’s just ridiculous. Like he has no idea what’s going on. She’s going to end up running that kingdom basically, if she’s not stopped.

Been: Would that be a bad thing?

Kirk: I’m a little concerned as to her moral flexibility but I mean as compared to Joffrey? Such a low bar. It’s just not hard to be better than him.

Been: Jaime the Handless. Thoughts?

Kirk: Uh, I mean, I think Brienne was right. As soon as he had something bad happen to him for possibly the first time in his life, he totally lost his shit. How very Lannister of him.

Been: Do you feel sorry for him?

Kirk: Nah, he’s been kind of a jerk a lot. It could happen in the future but…

Been: Do you feel sorry for Theon?

Kirk: Boy, that’s complicated. *ponders* Maybe. He’s done some awful things. But he also had awful things happen to him. Yeah, I’m not sure about that.

Been: How do you feel about the Brotherhood of the Fire or whatever they are?

Kirk: The Brothers without Banners? I think I may have just remembered a name you didn’t and this is just blowing my mind! Anyhow, trial by combat is always dumb. And there’s a minor chance they will actually attempt to do good in the world but they could just also devolve into raving vigilante justice.

Been: Alright, sigh, let’s talk about Dany.

Kirk: I mean I understand what some people thought they felt about her. She’s a genocidal maniac. I don’t expect that to change at any point. Her giving a six second long “choice” in the face of people who had been tortured and indoctrinated from a young age to always obey their master is just a way to make herself feel better. She has an army now. And that’s obviously a bad idea for the world.

Been: *cracks knuckles* Okay Kirk. This is it. Predicting time.

Kirk: Alright. It’s clobber – I mean predicting time. *pauses to eat a block of cheese* Let’s see. Uhhhh… I’m gonna be bold and say we’re going to skip Theon for the next episode. Bran, warg-y things, in the woods. We’re going to have to establish that for a while I think. Mister Fetch has to show up. He can’t not be there for two episodes. Like I said, maybe run into some walkers before they get to the castle on the wall. Oh man. There’s a prediction I missed! Dany DID speak the language. Anyhow, I think Dany will end up with some sort of like almost 80s travel montage sort of entry. *ignores Been’s laughter* Stannis the Petulant will totally show up and mope about Melisandre being gone. Mmmm… Jaime and Brienne could totally show up. I don’t think they’ll do much besides kind of character build and like make Jaime seem sympathetic or some crap like that. Who else? Hmm. The Hound is going to fight that guy he ran into in the cave. Nope, don’t know his name. Um, and I feel like he’s going to be about to kill him but something’s going to interrupt. Maybe Arya. I think that Sansa’s going to continue to be friendly-ish with the new queen-in-waiting there. But that she may get betrayed. I don’t know if that’ll be next episode or later. Or she might leave with Littlefinger. Hmmmm. Uh, Tyrion may go talk to Tywin about the money. I think that’s basically everyone. Everyone I can think of.

Been: Ahem. Robb?

Kirk: EH. Robb’s not that important really. He likes to think he is but… um… I think you’re right, he’ll be back next episode. Starting to see the consequences of not marrying quote/unquote correctly.

Been: Side question, where did Melisandre go?

Kirk: I don’t think that was actually covered in the episode she left, I don’t think. Um, I think it’s distinctly possible that she shows up somewhere weird. Maybe not King’s Landing but like the Eyrie when Littlefinger’s there or some strange thing like that. Or like goes to rescue Jaime in order to sow dissent.

Been: Any thoughts on direwolves or dragons?

Kirk: I don’t feel like there will be a whole lot of direwolfy attendance in the next episode and I feel like like they used up a fair amount of their dragon budget in this episode so kind of the same there.

Been: Final thought?

Kirk: Uh, Dany’s a genocidal maniac.

Been: *laughs*

Kirk: Her running the world has a minor chance of being worse than Joffrey. Because he’d be an incompetent petulant child whereas I feel like she’d be, um, effective in her like brutal repression and vengeance. Yep, I’d go with that.

Been: Good old Edmure Tully is gonna shoot us straight into your prediction tally with stunning accuracy, right Kirk?

Kirk: Eeeehhhhh sort of. Well, there were predictions and I made them. Uh, let’s see. I said the Theon story would continue with someone purportedly sent there by his sister. He got away on a horse and was sent towards quote/unquote his sister but never saw her. Suspicious. I said Bran, Osha, and the Reeds would do warg-y things in the woods. That’s a miss. That’s the first arrow right into the water. I had totally wishy-washy things about Arya that are not a miss or a hit. I said Mister Fetch would show up which I count as a success. Uh, I said that him and Mance would see the Night’s Watch that are retreating. Not exactly a success but along the same thread. That arrow was really close to the boat. I said that Dany would show up and speak the language: that arrow is still in the air. Uh, I said Grandma Tyrell would show up and betray Sansa. Neither showed up, that arrow is still in the air. Stannis the Petulant did show up. I said Melisandre might be in his place. He was petulant. I didn’t make a firm enough prediction to really call that a miss or a hit. I talked about Jaime and Brienne and how they were gonna stab some people on the bridge. That arrow missed that boat by a long ways. That was about it for predictions.

Been: In consolation you have a slightly better hit ratio than Edmure Tully.

Kirk: Such a low bar, though! I mean he was zero for three.

Been: Okay we had wolf bread this episode!

Kirk: Yes! True story.

Been: What flavor do you think it was?

Kirk: I’m gonna go with it was just bread actually. I don’t think it was even flavored.

Been: Okay, who’s the mystery dude who quote/unquote freed Theon?

Kirk: No idea, did not recognize him at all. I hope I didn’t see him in the series before. Because if I have I sure forgot.

Been: When Dany says she’s gonna pay with a dragon, what does she mean?

Kirk: As discussed during the episode she’s gonna pay with the business end of the dragon. I’m gonna make a bold prediction. She’s gonna hold to the agreement and pay with the dragon then sack the whole city with her new army and take the dragon back. Because it’s not like they’re gonna have an army left at that point, right?

Been: Jaime’s hand.

Kirk: I mean everyone always said he was a damn hand with a sword. I guess you really gotta hand it to him. *laughs* *laughs more*

Been: I’d like to point out I made a pun during this episode.

Kirk: It’s true you did and I appreciated it. I believe it was fucking amazing.

Been: What’s Pod’s secret to sex?

Kirk: Um, I’m torn here. Because I feel that there’s a possibility he has some actual secret. There’s also a possibility he just left, took the gold with him, and made up the whole story.

Been: Do you understand the deeper meaning of chair placement in Westeros now?

Kirk: Um, I would have been busy yelling during that meeting about how stupid that juvenile game was and how we had real things to do.

Been: Okay, okay, let’s get down to predicting.

Kirk: Ooooh. Well, Bran, Osha, and the Reeds: warg-y things in the woods. Eventually. Arya is going to free I think it’s the Hound they have in custody with her. I think. Um, Mister Fetch is going to end up back outside of the uh, *snaps fingers*, uh the wall, the castle on the wall. They’re probably going to run into some walkers first, though. Uh dangit, whats-her-face that captured him may end up going with him. I think they’ll be in the next episode because they’re still trying to make fetch happen. Uh, like I said Daenerys will use the slaves to take the city and take her dragon back. Hmmmm. Grandma Tyrell is going to pass some information to Joffrey or Cersei that’s going to be problematic for Sansa. Sansa might get out with Littlefinger at about the same time. That’d be good dramatic tension. Uh, Theon will I think run into his sister. I think. Maybe. Ooooh I think Melisandre will be gone for a couple of episodes and Stannis the Petulant will pretty much like degrade. I think for also dramatic tension that Jaime and Brienne may not show up in the next episode and they’ll make us wait. Uh, Tyrion will go to talk to Tywin about all of the borrowed money. Tywin I think will dismiss it and claim it’s not a problem. I think that’s it.

Been: In regards to the borrowed money, is this the first time we’ve heard of this Iron Bank of Braavos?

Kirk: There was conversation like last season about borrowing money but I think it was all from the Lannisters. In summary, I think so, yes.

Been: Is the debt gonna become a major player?

Kirk: Yeah, I think so later. King’s Landing may end up in some kind of default. And they may threaten to or actually fund Dany.

Been: And Littlefinger in the Vale. Is this a problem that we know of?

Kirk: I just assume everything with Littlefinger will be a problem. He’s going to show up, try to smooth talk some people, and then stab them in the back. I also feel during the episode he talked a lot about someone was positively predisposed to him? He’s absolutely getting shot down. Someone may in fact laugh in his face.

Been: Did you learn any new names this episode?

Kirk: Yes.

Been: Care to share with the group?

Kirk: I’m going to terribly mispronounce it but Aidwin? Edwin? The tool who could not shoot the bow. No one else I remember, so probably more.

Been: Well. Things are moving briskly in ol’ Westeros. But more importantly, what did you get right, Kirk?

Kirk: Well this time on Dragonball Z we saw Theon who has apparently been kidnapped and chained to a rack? Which I missed somewhere? So I’ll call that a kind of success because I said he’d end up being dragged back to the Iron Isles and I’m not sure where he’s at yet. I said Bran and Osha would do witchy things in the woods. I’d call that a 25% success? Because they were joined by the Reeds. We definitely did run into Arya: great success! I didn’t really say much about what she’d do so that makes it easy to claim this as a success. Um, we also saw Mister Fetch. However, we did not see Daenerys. Mmmm didn’t see Sansa so…. could still go either way. And we saw Robb briefly so that was kind of right. His mom didn’t escape but he did look frowny and regal.

Been: I have to correct you on something: we DID see Sansa. Don’t you remember?

Kirk: Oh! Dang it, oh you’re right. With the grandmother of Joffrey’s new queen. Ummm…

Been: *side eyes lack of names*

Kirk: Something you’d like to say? Anyhow she was great! Because she demanded cheese right away. Priorities. I approve. Also because she just seems to be at that wonderful point of Old and Don’t Give A Fuck.

Been: Have you any idea which House she’s with?

Kirk: Yeah! Joffrey’s new queen’s House. D’ohhh… uhhhh…. ahhhmmmm… *scrolls past episode recap for clues*…. TYRELL! TYRELL! That’s it!! I’d like to point out that wasn’t in the previous post, I just finally remembered.

Been: Good for you. And yes, we love Old Lady Tyrell (as I have to call her to avoid giving you her name).

Kirk: Um, anyhow she convinced Sansa to give an honest depiction of Joffrey. She just didn’t involve enough four-letter words in the depiction. I felt it was still restrained.

Been: Which then led to a masterclass scene of manipulation with Joffrey’s new queen.

Kirk: Where she informed him that “these politics” were all beyond her. Which is a fantastic way to manipulate Joffrey into underestimating her. Because those politics are not at all beyond her, not even a little bit.

Been: How do we feel about Robb’s new queen?

Kirk: Mm! Um, she seems like a genuinely decent person so far, um… I said before and at least his one lord has said that there’d basically be repercussions for marrying her, however. I think he may end up paying for that.

Been: What do we think about the Jaime/Brienne situation?

Kirk: I’m not sure there are enough people there to take the two of them. Kind of especially on a bridge if they decide to fight because that’s a significant disadvantage – sorry, it removes the advantage of numbers.

Been: Okay, let’s put on your predicting hat.

Kirk: Uhhh… the Theon story with someone sent there by his sister will continue. I’m not sure right now if I think that’s going to be an escape or if he’s like, maybe he woke up back in the Iron Isles. And his completely reasonable father is torturing him to get the “real story”. Um, Bran and Osha AND THE REEDS will do witchy things in the woods, or warg-y things I guess. Hm, I’m torn about Arya. I’m not sure if they’ll actually have some follow-up and resolution this episode or if they’ll make us wait until the next one. Um, Mister Fetch will show up. And I think him and Mance will at least see the Night’s Watch that are retreating. Maybe some argument about chasing them down or something. Daenerys will show up and she will totally speak the language. Or Ser whats-his-face with her will speak the language, one or the other. And I almost think Grandma Tyrell will betray Sansa. Mm, Stannis the Petulant totally has to show up. Or it might be Melisandre in his place, possibly. That’s all I can think of. Oooh, Jaime… I mean I already talked about Jaime and Brienne. Yeah, I think they’re going to stab some people on the bridge. Maybe that’ll be the end of the episode, that’ll be kind of the bridge to the next one. *chuckles*

Been: *sighs*

Kirk: *chuckles*

Been: MOVING ON. In terms of long-term plots, how dire is this Robb comeuppance plot (for marrying his queen)?

Kirk: For marrying the “wrong person”… um, I feel like he may end up with some like banners leaving him. Um, he won’t get some of the bannermen and his entire reputation thus far has been predicated on like winning battles. So if he’s just too low on men and loses something, I think it’s gonna turn into a spiral. That’s a very long-term prediction.

Been: And randomly, when Tywin told Tyrion he would be assigned a proper wife, who would a “proper wife” for Tyrion be?

Kirk: Probably like some third cousin of a noble somewhere. Someone technically part of a family but waaaay out of the periphery so that Tywin can try to ignore him more.

Been: Okay, okay. Any last thoughts?

Kirk: Uhhhh… Dany got her ship, dammit. But I still don’t think that she’s going to make it, like, anywhere near the mainland and the fighting… like maybe by the end of this season at best. Because timing.

Been: …… seriously, no final pun?

Kirk: But what if there was a final pun and you missed it? Wouldn’t that be a fitting PUNishment?

Been: We’re back! After a long hiatus where the rest of you finished the whole damn Game of Thrones SERIES and Kirk is still agonizing over Daenerys’ ship out of Quarth. So, Kirky, how did your predictions from the end of Season 2 about this opener go?

Kirk: Eeeeuuuugghh mostly misses. Uh, let’s see: I said Theon gets dragged back to the Iron Isles. *buzzer sound* Bran and Osha, witchy things in the woods. *buzzer sound* Melisandre is going to do something magical for Stannis. *buzzer sound* For Tyrion to stay around King’s Landing he’d have to do something bold. *buzzer sound* I did say that Shae would stay there with him, also I did say that Daenerys would get her ship! Just like I’ve said a dozen times previously.

Been: So two wins.

Kirk: BUT I also said there’d be a new story arc with Arya. Also a fail. And Jon Snow would meet Mance. And that Ser Buttersworth would appear.

Been: Five fails and four wins.

Kirk: That’s mostly true. I feel like some of the wins were minor compared to the fails, though. Also I’m still mad I missed the name of Ser Buttersworth.

Been: I know, Melisandre said it! But I think you’re so used to thinking of him as Ser Buttersworth that you missed it!

Kirk: Yeah.

Been: So, satisfying opener?

Kirk: Uh, yeah! Some interesting set up there. I think you’re totally right that probably Dany speaks the language that the un – un *groans* unsullied? un… what was the stupid name? Was it unsullied? That sounds sort of right…?

Been: *grins and stays silent*

Kirk: GUH. The slaver language. Dany speaks it.

Been: Continue.

Kirk: Yeah, uh, Tywin? (Think he’s the dad.) He was kind of a jerk to Tyrion which I think will be a mistake eventually because Tyrion’s good at skullduggery and that’s not someone you want to piss off too many times. That’s a dangerous occupation. I of course suspect that Littlefinger is just setting up to betray Sansa.

Been: So is that a prediction?

Kirk: A long-term, mmhmm. I think those were sort of the main points.

Been: Dragon status.

Kirk: Mmmm, um, definitely growing. They were much more like freely flying around Dany’s SHIP *looks pointedly at Been* and feeding as well. I suspect they’re eventually going to need to eat things bigger than fish. Also given how much of them we saw in this episode, I feel like they had more budget for this season.

Been: Quick aside, does Ghost have flame-throwing power?

Kirk: No, that was the lord commander setting the walker on fire. Although at first it sure looked like it.

Been: Okay Kirk, take me to prediction town.

Kirk: This next time on Dragonball Z, I think we will see Theon get dragged back. BRAN AND OSHA WILL DO WITCHY THINGS IN THE WOODS. I’ll be right eventually. I think we’ll run into Arya. Seems like she’s a powerful and popular enough character they can’t abandon her for the first two episodes. Surprised she wasn’t there for this one. I think that we will see Jon Snow again because they’re just continually trying to make him happen. Kind of like fetch.

Been: *laughs*

Kirk: Um, yeah I definitely think that it will come out that Daenerys can speak the slave trader language. I feel like she’s going to buy the slaves. I think she’s going to say she should free them but I don’t think she’s going to do so.

Been: Sansa?

Kirk: I think Sansa will continue to be passive, not a lot happening to her for the next few episodes until Littlefinger moves something.

Been: Robb?

Kirk: Oh right, Robb. Robb will… I don’t think we’ll see a lot of him next episode but his mom might actually escape. And then he’ll look very frowny and regal because she escaped.

Been: He’s just the opposite of Stannis who looks frowny and petulant.

Kirk: Mmmm VERY petulant. Stannis the Sad.

Been: Any other predictions?

Kirk: That’s all I can think of right now.

Been: Any words for your fans?

Kirk: Mostly I’m surprised that I have “fans” per se, but, just remember: if you’re a true fan you have be powered and have sharp blades and spin around real fast.

Been: *GRoAn*

Kirk: *laughs uproariously*