Been: This was the final episode of season three and the first thing we have to discuss is RIP Ser Buttersworth!
Kirk: *laughs* Right?! I finally actually caught the name! Finally. So much finally.
Been: And it is...?
Kirk: Ser Davos! ... It's definitely a weird moment, though.
Been: On the one hand, yay Ser Davos, welcome. But on the other hand, I'm kinda gonna miss Ser Buttersworth?
Kirk: It's true but I'm sure there's other names I will forget throughout the course of the series. Like the name of Bran's wolf.
Been: Okay, first let's see how you did on your predictions.
Kirk: I said there would be some Tyrion and Sansa which seems like a hit but I said within a few she would find out who Shae is. I think that prediction stands. Hmmm. I said that Dany would spend some time in the city cleaning up and consolidating but instead she spent some time outside the city being worshipped as the white saviour for the poor brown people. This will DEFINITELY not help her issues. I said we might seem some impact of Melisandre and Stannis the Petulant's magic, I'd call that a miss. I also said "no Bran next episode" and that's a minor miss.
Been: By "minor" you mean a super giant miss.
Kirk: He didn't play that much of an important role in the episode.
Been: No, you're right. He only met Sam, who can tell Jon that Bran's alive, found out dragonstone can kill White Walkers, and made it north of the wall.
Kirk: Minor things! ANYHOW. I did say the Lannisters would hear back about the Red Wedding. Uh, for Arya and the Hound I said they weren't going to show up in this episode. Also a minor miss. It's not like they did anything important in this episode like the first person Arya killed or anything.
Been: Totally insignificant.
Kirk: I said Jaime and Brienne would definitely show up but I did predict they wouldn't get to their destination for a few episodes. That wasn't entirely accurate.
Been: And by "not entirely accurate" you mean Jaime just waltzed past every guard and made it right into Cersei's chamber.
Kirk: So I mean I was close....
Been: *eye roll*
Kirk: Now technically I predicted that Sam and Gilly would find the gate to go through the wall. That was accurate. They did some minor things after that. However, I said that Ygritte would run Jon down and threaten to stab him. She did threaten but then she also just stabbed him. He kinda had it coming. That was the end of the actual predictions I made.
Been: Well since this is the final episode, give me a season wrap up. How do you feel about this season?
Kirk: Well the plus side to this season was now there's less names for me to keep track of. Um, I do feel like it could be shifting towards a little less kind of civil war and more fighting the Walkers and possibly Dany. I feel like Walkers still might be first? Hard to say. Um, the Starks continue to be a cursed name. Really, um, the stark truth is (*Been sighs*) you shouldn't even marry into that family at this point. I think that's kinda like the high points. I'm sure there'll be some other, you know, minor details like Bran and Osha doing wargy things in the woods but now north of the wall! They'll be in the frozen woods instead.
Been: Even though Osha did not cross into the north with Bran.
Kirk: But she still might be going!
Been: Because I have to, let's just address the sausage in the room with Theon.
Kirk: *sighs* I almost feel like he's actually going to make it through the whole next season. Because lots of the characters that seem to be struggling but doing kind of alright seem to get horribly slapped down and murdered. I think he'll be kept alive for quite some time as the whipping boy.
Been: And who is his captor?
Kirk: His captor is the bastard son of the flayed family.
Been: I mean I guess it's too much to ask for a name...
Kirk: It started with an R... R, R.... *thinks hard*.... nope.
Been: Okay instead of specific episode predictions this time, we're going to go through the family houses and give a status prediction for next season.
Kirk: For all of next season?
Been: No, let's say for the first third of next season. Like where will they be after the opening and pre the middle?
Been: Let's start with everybody's favorite whipping boys, the Starks. No single Stark but House Stark overall.
Kirk: Well in stark contrast to the Lannisters, the Starks will end up mostly scattered still. Um, probably no real attempts or anything at Winterfell, lordship, being a high house, anything like that. Lots of individual struggle for survival. Except Arya getting madder and madder.
Been: And the villainous Lannisters?
Kirk: Especially in the first third or so, I feel like they're going to end up in almost the same places currently with Tywin holding together a somewhat unruly mob of a family. Mob in the term of horse heads but also like unruly mob.
Been: And the garden flowers? The Tyrells?
Kirk: I think they will actually see more power partly through growing influence on the idiot Lannister king.
Been: House Targaryen?
Kirk: I feel like this is cheating as there's only one representative that I'm aware of. That house will continue to go on a quasi genocidal rampage across the world with Dany telling herself she's a saviour. And her sycophants also telling her that, unfortunately. She doesn't need the help.
Been: The flayed man family? I can't tell you the house because that would be telling you the name.
Kirk: But obviously I already know the name, it's just the sigil is more important than the name in this instance because of the visual treatment of Theon.
Been: SO PHILOSOPHICAL!
Kirk: *laughs* Anyways. The bastard son will continue to torment Theon because I think he just likes any excuse to torment someone. His father will remain about the same in the House of Frey, I think.
Been: And last house I'll ask about: the Ironborn. The Greyjoys.
Kirk: Probably something of a rift between father and daughter which could lead to them being a bit less of a cohesive threat.
Been: Okay, death wish time. Name the top five characters you hope die next season.
Kirk: Wow, only five?
Been: Only five!
Kirk: That's a tough competition. Well, some of them are tough competition. Joffrey is number one. There's no dispute in my mind. Joffrey is number one. Mind, I don't think it'll happen, but I still wish for it. As for the other four.... uh, Dany, Cersei, Tywin, Melisandre. I'm not sure what order I'd put those in, though. Because I feel that world would be a better place missing those people.
Been: That's quite the list, 'Arya'!
Kirk: *laughs* I mean, of those I think most of them will survive next season unfortunately but this was a wish list, not predicting.
Been: Okay, here's the big dream wish question. Who would YOU want on the Iron Throne?
Kirk: *ponders* *mutters 'nope' 'nope' to himself* Do I have to pick one?
Been: No. Pick whoever in whatever combination you want on the throne.
Kirk: I mean none of the Lannisters. Yeah, none. Um, of the Starks? I think Arya's too murdery, Sansa's kinda too soft, I guess it's possible Bran could do okay eventually... he seems to feel the, I can't remember the phrase, the obligation of the noble.
Been: Noblesse oblige.
Kirk: Noblesse oblige. Not Mister Fetch. *ponders more* I think Margaery could do okay. I think she'd do okay not necessarily out of like precisely her own morality, it's just she would take the longer view that not, you know, outright oppressing the peasants leads to less chances of her head on a pike. I sure hope it's not Dany. That's bad for the world. So I think in going through the characters I came up with two mostly okay options and mostly bad options.
Been: It has never been more difficult to suppress my knowledge of all eight seasons than it is in this exact moment.
Kirk: *amused* Because there's things that you know that are probably extremely relevant!
Been: I KNOW SO MUCH! .....Okay, okay. Let's end on a fun note. Tell me your favorite thing that happened this season. And please for the love of god, don't say "the Red Wedding".
Kirk: I would only say the Red Wedding as a joke to be a terrible person. Favorite through the whole season, though, that's difficult.... like no rocks fell on Joffrey or anything.
Been: *laughs loudly*
Kirk: Hmmm.... as terrible as it sounds, Arya finally deciding to not get pushed around anymore. By murdering some people by the side of the road.
Been: And lastly, what is Bran's direwolf's name?
Kirk: Dammit. ....There's some mental connection here somewhere to a season.... but I'm pretty sure it's not just like Fall the wolf or something... so I got nothing. .... dammit. You have to end on a name, don't you?
Been: Remember one, forget one. Your brain only has so much capacity.