Been: Well. Things are moving briskly in ol' Westeros. But more importantly, what did you get right, Kirk?
Kirk: Well this time on Dragonball Z we saw Theon who has apparently been kidnapped and chained to a rack? Which I missed somewhere? So I'll call that a kind of success because I said he'd end up being dragged back to the Iron Isles and I'm not sure where he's at yet. I said Bran and Osha would do witchy things in the woods. I'd call that a 25% success? Because they were joined by the Reeds. We definitely did run into Arya: great success! I didn't really say much about what she'd do so that makes it easy to claim this as a success. Um, we also saw Mister Fetch. However, we did not see Daenerys. Mmmm didn't see Sansa so.... could still go either way. And we saw Robb briefly so that was kind of right. His mom didn't escape but he did look frowny and regal.
Been: I have to correct you on something: we DID see Sansa. Don't you remember?
Kirk: Oh! Dang it, oh you're right. With the grandmother of Joffrey's new queen. Ummm...
Been: *side eyes lack of names*
Kirk: Something you'd like to say? Anyhow she was great! Because she demanded cheese right away. Priorities. I approve. Also because she just seems to be at that wonderful point of Old and Don't Give A Fuck.
Been: Have you any idea which House she's with?
Kirk: Yeah! Joffrey's new queen's House. D'ohhh... uhhhh.... ahhhmmmm... *scrolls past episode recap for clues*.... TYRELL! TYRELL! That's it!! I'd like to point out that wasn't in the previous post, I just finally remembered.
Been: Good for you. And yes, we love Old Lady Tyrell (as I have to call her to avoid giving you her name).
Kirk: Um, anyhow she convinced Sansa to give an honest depiction of Joffrey. She just didn't involve enough four-letter words in the depiction. I felt it was still restrained.
Been: Which then led to a masterclass scene of manipulation with Joffrey's new queen.
Kirk: Where she informed him that "these politics" were all beyond her. Which is a fantastic way to manipulate Joffrey into underestimating her. Because those politics are not at all beyond her, not even a little bit.
Been: How do we feel about Robb's new queen?
Kirk: Mm! Um, she seems like a genuinely decent person so far, um... I said before and at least his one lord has said that there'd basically be repercussions for marrying her, however. I think he may end up paying for that.
Been: What do we think about the Jaime/Brienne situation?
Kirk: I'm not sure there are enough people there to take the two of them. Kind of especially on a bridge if they decide to fight because that's a significant disadvantage - sorry, it removes the advantage of numbers.
Been: Okay, let's put on your predicting hat.
Kirk: Uhhh... the Theon story with someone sent there by his sister will continue. I'm not sure right now if I think that's going to be an escape or if he's like, maybe he woke up back in the Iron Isles. And his completely reasonable father is torturing him to get the "real story". Um, Bran and Osha AND THE REEDS will do witchy things in the woods, or warg-y things I guess. Hm, I'm torn about Arya. I'm not sure if they'll actually have some follow-up and resolution this episode or if they'll make us wait until the next one. Um, Mister Fetch will show up. And I think him and Mance will at least see the Night's Watch that are retreating. Maybe some argument about chasing them down or something. Daenerys will show up and she will totally speak the language. Or Ser whats-his-face with her will speak the language, one or the other. And I almost think Grandma Tyrell will betray Sansa. Mm, Stannis the Petulant totally has to show up. Or it might be Melisandre in his place, possibly. That's all I can think of. Oooh, Jaime... I mean I already talked about Jaime and Brienne. Yeah, I think they're going to stab some people on the bridge. Maybe that'll be the end of the episode, that'll be kind of the bridge to the next one. *chuckles*
Been: MOVING ON. In terms of long-term plots, how dire is this Robb comeuppance plot (for marrying his queen)?
Kirk: For marrying the "wrong person"... um, I feel like he may end up with some like banners leaving him. Um, he won't get some of the bannermen and his entire reputation thus far has been predicated on like winning battles. So if he's just too low on men and loses something, I think it's gonna turn into a spiral. That's a very long-term prediction.
Been: And randomly, when Tywin told Tyrion he would be assigned a proper wife, who would a "proper wife" for Tyrion be?
Kirk: Probably like some third cousin of a noble somewhere. Someone technically part of a family but waaaay out of the periphery so that Tywin can try to ignore him more.
Been: Okay, okay. Any last thoughts?
Kirk: Uhhhh... Dany got her ship, dammit. But I still don't think that she's going to make it, like, anywhere near the mainland and the fighting... like maybe by the end of this season at best. Because timing.
Been: ...... seriously, no final pun?
Kirk: But what if there was a final pun and you missed it? Wouldn't that be a fitting PUNishment?