Been: WHEW! Things are happening. We have a lot of ground to cover. Let's just see how you did on predictions before we discuss anything else, though.
Kirk: Oooh right to the predictions! Alright, it's, uh, interesting. Going through kind of in order here from last time.... I said we would skip Theon. I hit that battleship.
Been: You mean you sank that battleship?
Kirk: No no no, I just hit it! I didn't sink it. I also said "Bran, warg-y things, in the woods". That's a big splash of water. I missed that ship entirely. So Mister Fetch did show up, um, he almost played a character with personality, only because there was someone naked. Which I had predicted early but that wasn't a really difficult prediction. I said that Dany would end up with an 80s travel montage and I mean... it's a little montage-y...
Been: I'm gonna interject here. She traveled from the troops to her horse while speaking a linear fashion. That's not a travel montage.
Kirk: I mean her ARMY. Like a shot of her army to start with then switching to a few different characters while her army continued to move. That's a lot like a travel montage. It definitely could have been improved by having some background music from 'Rocky'... like a training montage...
Been: It wasn't even an 'A-Team building things' montage on the scale of montages.
Kirk: I'm gonna claim I at least nicked that battleship. I said that Stannis the Petulant would show up and mope about Melisandre. I'd call that like I hit that battleship once. I think I technically made an accurate prediction but there was a lot more than that. And I wasn't very specific so. I said Jaime and Brienne would show up and they'd do something like character building or quote/unquote make Jaime seem sympathetic or some crap like that. I would call that accurate. I said The Hound would fight that guy in the cave. Like I kind of hit that battleship. But I said he was going to be about to kill him and something would interrupt and like the outcome was very similar but that's still not quite what actually happened. I'd have to call that one a near miss. Um, I said Sansa would be friendly with the new Queen-in-Waiting. I'd call that a miss. And a very hand-wavy thing that she might leave with Littlefinger which I think I'd also call a miss. Tyrion talking to Tywin about the money? Mostly a miss. He talked about money but not the money I was specifically thinking of. Um, I said that Robb would be back (after some prompting because I forgot Robb existed) and that he'd be starting to see the consequences of not marrying "correctly" and I think that's a hit. I had a prediction there'd be no direwolves or dragons and I'd have to call that a hit. I mean the only other quote/unquote prediction I had was that Dany is a genocidal maniac and that's just moreso 'statin them facts' than a prediction. That was all the actual predictions I made.
Been: So you're not besieged by battleships but you're not sailing clear either.
Kirk: Nooo, no.
Been: Alright let's do a rundown of people and like a Rorschach test you tell me your immediate thoughts on them. Jaime.
Kirk: Eh, fuck that guy. I feel like they're trying to build him up to be sympathetic, I'm not here for it.
Kirk: Um, I kinda like her. She's a very direct person, knows what she wants. Also she has red hair and I'm biased. I'm not gonna lie.
Been: Stannis' wife.
Kirk: Concerned at first that he was leaving her in the dungeon and by the end concerned that she should be in a deeper dungeon. She worries me.
Been: Stannis' daughter.
Kirk: She seems real nice. I'm, uh, definitely concerned that terrible things will happen to her. More terrible things, I mean.
Kirk: Everything's kind of slipping through his fingers. I don't think he's going to react well as it does.
Been: The Hound.
Kirk: I just don't know what to think about him or what he's going to do.
Been: Well that was fun. Let's talk relationships now. I'm gonna give you a relationship and you tell me whether it's doomed or solid. Mister Fetch and Ygritte.
Kirk: I mean I think they make a fetching couple, uh, hmmm, there's a few factors there. I think as long as he can deal with her being kind of direct and fiery, then yeah. But she might be too much for him.
Been: Margaery and Joffrey.
Kirk: I think that will continue for some time, um, and by 'continue' I mean she will continue to manipulate him and that might be the best thing for the kingdom, honestly.
Been: Sansa and Tyrion.
Kirk: Hmm. Nope, it's not gonna happen. No, neither of them will be even slightly interested [in the marriage Tywin insists on] and Tyrion will wiggle out of it somehow.
Been: Cersei and Ser Loras.
Kirk: Ooooh. She's just obedient enough that maybe. I mean it would be a complete trainwreck of a relationship but on the other hand, I mean, if they're willing to cover for each other, maybe not?
Been: Robb and Illegitimate Queen.
Kirk: Um, she may end up sadly leaving him as he, like, descends into madness and chaos. I think those things are slipping through his fingers and I don't think he's going to react well.
Been: Well that actually nicely covers a lot of ground.
Kirk: It does, yup.
Been: Only one thing left to address, sigh. Dany and Ser Friendzone.
Kirk: Um, yeah I think that... I suspect that they will continue across the wilderness. I don't think there'll be more than a brief shot of her next episode though. I mean long term... uh, he's going to keep following her around like a lost puppy and she's going to continue not noticing anyone exists except as a tool for her to get more power.
Been: Let's do your overall prediction for next episode. Like, lay out the next episode for me.
Kirk: Hmmm. Brief Dany appearance. Bran and the Reeds: warg-y things in the woods.
Been: That is like the saddest drumbeat ever. *laughs*
Kirk: Every now and then I'm right! We will see The Hound. I'm not sure what I think he's gonna be doing, though. I don't know where he's going. Um, Mister Fetch will still be there. Maybe close enough to The Wall to verify if he was lying [to the Wildlings]. Uh, Theon for sure. Probably running into his sister, who I think set a lot of this up to mess with him. Melisandre won't be back until the episode after this one, I think. Uh, Brienne will be unfortunately kindly disposed towards Jaime. Uh, Tyrion will talk to his lover *searches for her name, doesn't recall it* who hasn't shown up for awhile. Hmmm. I feel like it's time for more Sansa. She will watch Littlefinger leave and, like, confide in the Queen-in-Waiting there. Margaery. *is proud of knowing her name* And Arya escapes.
Been: From where?
Kirk: From the Brotherhood Without Banners!
Been: I'm so proud that you know that.
Kirk: I'm so surprised! Oh, I don't think we'll see Robb. Don't think so.
Been: Direwolves or dragons?
Kirk: Mister Fetch's wolf.
Been: Whose name is....?
Kirk: *thinks really long and hard* .... Nope.