Been: IT IS A NEW SEASON. And we are Cheese of Thrones. And for our mass hordes of non-zero numbered readers we are thinking of a slightly new format, isn't that right Kirk?
Kirk: It is. Uh, I'm interested in watching the show and I feel like I'm sort of along for the ride for the interview so I'm willing to try news things as we discussed.
Been: Awesome. And specifically what we discussed is less prediction-based discussion and more viewing-experience reaction discussion.
Kirk: Of course as a result of that since I'm no longer trying as hard to keep track for storyline predictions I'm sure I'll forget more names now. I know people may not think that's possible but this could go lower.
Been: Just so long as you remember the name of the number one hated character in Westeros.
Kirk: I mean I assume it's Joffrey but like Cersei's trying.
Been: Speaking of Joffrey. How did he make you feel this episode?
Kirk: The statue of him with the crossbow and the dead direwolf was so utterly unsurprising. It's so Joffrey in nature. He would just take credit for something that he thought was great but actually is a little horrible and he'd be far too happy about it. Also I think Margaery was right that if he got to pick her necklace it would be a string of sparrow heads.
Been: I agree. And I also think this is a rare time when Margaery lets her careful PR mask slip and we see that she knows exactly who she's marrying.
Kirk: Yep. I think that's from a show perspective it might have been important for them to show that just as like character set up.
Been: Tell me about Dorne! Specifically Prince Oberyn and his paramour.
Kirk: I mean I understand why he has a beef with the Lannisters, to start with they ARE Lannisters and like by and large they're kind of entire bags full of jerk. Also in his specific circumstance obviously that's a mess. I think he definitely could lead to some exciting spicy times for the Lannisters in King's Landing.
Been: Like sexy spicy?
Kirk: I mean things can mean two things.
Been: I think he's kinda sexy. More sexy than the supposedly super-sexy Daario who, did you notice, is a whole new actor this season.
Kirk: Who the hell was that? Daario?
Been: LOL. Daario is the guy who betrayed his fellow bad dudes to lead Dany into the city last season. The one who last season had the long blonde hair and this season was having a sword holding contest with Grey Worm.
Kirk: HUH. I thought that was someone entirely new.
Been: RIGHT? BECAUSE IT IS.
Kirk: No I thought it was a new character.
Been: I don't blame you. But it is, in fact, the same dude. Who is not sexy.
Kirk: Hmmm. Today I learned.
Been: What did you learn about Dany?
Kirk: Uh, she may not have the control over the dragons that she likes to pretend she does to others and herself. It sounded like she was "liberating" another city and the more power she gets the more concerned I am.
Been: At this stage, whose power hungry ways trouble you more? Cersei or Dany?
Kirk: Dany. *hesitantly* Barely. Um, Cersei tries to get power through political intrigue. Dany just puts cities to the sword.
Been: Is Shae ever going to just go away?
Kirk: I almost think that she should for her own sake. I feel like she's definitely gonna spend still some time around there, though. Kind of unfortunately.
Been: Ok who are your top five favorites in this episode?
Kirk: Um. Brienne. The Hound. Arya? .... the problem is so many of them are terrible.... hmmm... I think I'll add Tyrion to that list. And I guess Margaery. Like she's conniving, um, but I think that she has somewhat more noble goals for her power.
Been: If the wedding happens, do you think Margaery can do good in King's Landing?
Kirk: I think she can. I think that one of the best things she can do is basically divert Joffrey into doing stupid things instead of murdering people.
Been: On a scale of 1 to 11, how badly do you want Joffrey dead?
Kirk: That whole world would be a better place if he was just to like, fall in a well.
Been: I mean you're not wrong. So on that note, who are your bottom five. Or rather, the top five worst characters?
Kirk: I mean Joffrey's the obvious shoe-in. Cersei's on that list. Like there's other characters that I think are like doing evil things but some of them are complicated. Those two are just monsters. Tyrion's pretty close to them, though. I think most of the other characters in this episode were more in the middle to me.
Been: Would we like a spin-off show of The Adventures of Arya and The Hound?
Kirk: I would probably watch at least a season of that, yep.
Been: Dragon thoughts?
Kirk: I'm not sure if I'm more concerned with the thought of Dany the Genocidal controlling the dragons or them having no control whatsoever. I might be a little bit more afraid of Dany, though. Just because she's more likely to direct them and they'll be a force multiplier for her because she can use them as a threat. Whereas uncontrolled dragons become more of a force of nature problem but something you can maybe try to divert.
Been: It's not unlike people training pit bulls to be violent and attack on command when really left alone they're rather fine dogs.
Kirk: They're just a dog, yeah. And even dragons may be more "violent" but that's just predatory really but yeah, if you can distract them with some sheep instead of people... that's not going to work if Dany's pointing them at a town.
Been: Did you learn any new names this episode?
Been: Would you like to share them with me?
Kirk: Um no because I already forgot them. Uh because whats-his-name the prince that we talked about like a few minutes ago.... dammit nope.... I knew he was a new person and a new name and it's just gone. Just gone. So the answer is technically I DID learn a new name. Just not for very long.
Did it start with an O?
Kirk: ...... I've got nothing.
Been: And what cheeses did we consume today?
Kirk: Oh the IMPORTANT questions! Well in roughly ascending order of aggressiveness, there was an aged cheddar, a gouda with ginger and pumpkin seed, then there was a two-year aged cheddar with black pepper.
Been: That black pepper cheese, aka the Cheese That Punches You In The Face, is my favorite.
Kirk: That's because it's amazing. It is the cheese of the old gods and the new.