Been: Kirk, was this the best episode or was this the best episode?
Kirk: Uh, yes. Not only am I down one name to remember, the entire world of Game of Thrones has been improved. Because just because Joffrey! Like, I think in fact, this episode improved OUR world.
Been: I saw you give a little raised fist of excitement when he first started choking.
Kirk: Did you hear me quietly chanting 'die... die... die... die...'? Because I sure was!
Been: How about, in honor of Joffrey's timely demise, you list all the heinous things he did in this episode alone to deserve death?
Kirk: Oh man. Just this episode, like, do we have half an hour for this list?
Been: The high points!
Kirk: Let's see... um, hiring a bunch of small people as "entertainment" specifically to embarrass Tyrion... um, an entire bundle of acting like a complete d-bag to Tyrion, the cup bearer, the pouring wine on his head, the, just everything... beside that there was throwing money at musicians... taking credit for giving the food to the poor when we all know it wasn't his idea... including the beheading of Robb Stark in his "entertainment"... um, just being the worst kind of entitled petulant child during his own damn wedding... um... like, I assume there was other things that I'm just not thinking of because they just fade into the background of 'oh that's just Joffrey'.
Been: I admit, it's the most satisfying death. Maybe ever.
Kirk: See, I wish that he would have been, like... I think my ideal would be if he was goaded into a fight where someone just proceeded to humiliate him and then stab him. But this was a pretty solid option.
Been: I mean he choked to death (was poisoned) in front of everyone at his own wedding in the middle of mockery. It was so.... right.
Kirk: That's fair. It was Peak Joffrey that was happening followed by Peak Joffrey From Everyone Else's Perspective. But I mean really, I'd have been okay if rocks just fell and he died. Just ground up by rocks.
Been: Fair. Just to be rid of him. I think, and back me up here, the only person who will mourn him is Cersei.
Mel (special guest appearance): Jaime.
Kirk: *ponders* I think Jaime and even Tywin will sort of wave their hands and say 'oh no I am bereft etc' because they feel they should be. I don't think either will be that broken up about it, really.
Been: But Cersei will be.
Kirk: Oh yeah. She entirely somehow still seemed to think that he was a human being as opposed to like, Joffrey.
Been: Million dollar question... who poisoned him?
Kirk: Ooh. I mean, this will be such a simple investigation because almost noone has motivation to murder that annoying little bastard. Um, however, the Fool specifically took Sansa away so I feel like he's involved. I don't think he's the originator, however. I think my bold prediction (using the predicting hat one more time) is actually Tywin.
Kirk: Just because Joffrey has caused him too much trouble and he just wants to be rid of the barrier to his own power and what he probably sees as the besmirching of his own name. But if that actually is the case and Cersei finds out, he's probably gonna get shanked.
Been: Cersei accused Tyrion. Does that seem at all likely?
Kirk: Nah. He didn't really have the... there wasn't enough in it for Tyrion. Now after this reception if Joffrey had died I'd have been like 'oh yeah, Tyrion: totally a contender' but before that, up until the reception, it was just Joffrey being the same sort of useless twit as he'd been all his life so there wasn't new motivation there. I just had one more thought. Now I almost hope it was Margaery. But it's the same problem of so many people have such good motivation.
Been: Is Sansa on your list of possibilities?
Kirk: I wish she was but I don't think that she's capable of it, basically.
Been: So where is Sansa being stolen off to? And by whom?
Kirk: I think that she's being taken somewhere by the Fool, not by whoever actually was behind murdering Joffrey.
Been: And who is the Fool working for?
Kirk: Yeah that's the problem. I think he's involved in killing Joffrey just that taking away Sansa is because she treated him as a human being when so many others had not.
Been: Is there anything else that happened in this episode besides Joffrey's death that you wanna talk about?
Kirk: Um... hmm. Uh, news getting out that the younger Stark boys were not killed by Greyjoy. Mmm... AND conversation about the Iron Bank. Which I seem to recall predicting many episodes ago was going to become important in the future. And I feel this could be somewhat the start of the ascension of them in the storyline.
Been: How many more people do you think Melisandre is going to burn alive for her god?
Kirk: Uh, as many as she can get her hands on. Like, integer overflow, um every person that she can manage to feed to a fire.
Been: How long do you think Davos will be able to stand to stick around and watch it?
Kirk: He did get thrown in the dungeon for awhile but more importantly gave his word to Stannis the Petulant that he would work with her. I think he's going to make at least this whole season. And just be more and more uncomfortable.
Been: Pop quiz, what's Bran's direwolf's name?
Been: It was mentioned in this episode. When Bran was warging at the beginning of the episode.
Kirk: I was getting a drink!
Been: That's not an excuse.
Kirk: But the most important part is that during the episode Bran. Was doing. Wargy things. In the woods. And you can't prove that Osha wasn't.
Been: But what's the direwolf's name?
Kirk: The direwolf's name is.... Bran And Osha Do Wargy Things In The Woods.
Been: Any last thoughts?
Kirk: Joffrey should have suffered more.