Book / Non-Fiction / 2015

Author: Emily Nagoski
Country: United States

Synopsis: An essential exploration of why and how women's sexuality works - based on groundbreaking research and brain science - that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy.

Researchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a "pink pill" for women to function like Viagra does for men. So where is it? Well, for reasons this book makes crystal clear, that pill will never exist - but as a result of the research that's gone into it, scientists in the last few years have learned more about how women's sexuality works than we ever thought possible, and Come as You Are explains it all.

The first lesson in this essential, transformative book by Dr. Emily Nagoski is that every woman has her own unique sexuality, like a fingerprint, and that women vary more than men in our anatomy, our sexual response mechanisms, and the way our bodies respond to the sexual world. So we never need to judge ourselves based on others’ experiences. Because women vary, and that’s normal.

Second lesson: sex happens in a context. And all the complications of everyday life influence the context surrounding a woman’s arousal, desire, and orgasm.

Cutting-edge research across multiple disciplines tells us that the most important factor for women in creating and sustaining a fulfilling sex life, is not what you do in bed or how you do it, but how you feel about it. Which means that stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual wellbeing; they are central to it. Once you understand these factors, and how to influence them, you can create for yourself better sex and more profound pleasure than you ever thought possible.

Review: The book is delivered with a compassionate voice and variety of case-studies. It’s only about cisgender women but gives examples from heterosexual and homosexual relationships. The author explains that she is writing from her area of expertise and didn’t want to misrepresent research on non-cisgender folks. It’s less science laden and more anecdotal than the cover of the book suggests but it’s encouraging, reaffirming, and invites readers to explore and accept their sexuality. Which, as the synopsis touts: can be transformative. I’d recommend this book to anyone that identifies as a woman or has sex with someone that identifies as a woman because it offers helpful language, emphasizes context, and asks the readers to challenge culturally imposed assumptions.

Link: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22609341-come-as-you-are